Sneak Peek/Help
Jan. 28th, 2009 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ruyuFlist - I need your help. I've been trying and failing at writing the sequal to The Grab. I've got about 1500 words right now and I need a little inspiration/criticism/motivation, or just tell me if I should give up.
(PG-13 for now)
What does it mean when you get that hot feeling in your chest or that blooming ache right behind your ribs? How does your body know who to react this way to and why does it heat up your whole body in the process?
The answers were simple.
It meant that your body was so attuned to his body that it practically moved without your consent. The moment you laid your treacherous eyes upon him - it was already too late. Your body had already been set into action.
It meant complete, total and unstoppable attraction…and you could do nothing to stop it.
~
The houses flew by underneath him - completely unnoticed and unimportant. The most important thing right now was reaching the house; the house that belonged to Ichigo Kurosaki. The man he had just fooled around with in a narrow alley almost 2 miles away. The scent of sap and brick dust still clung to his clothes and the taste of blood and Ichigo’s mouth lingered on his tongue. The air felt good against his hot, naked chest and he felt the trail of dry blood begin to crack and flake off of his bare back as he sprinted across the rooftops.
Kurosaki was ahead of him; his dark shape jumping smoothly through the air. Grimmjow's chest tightened in way that had nothing to do with panic or fear - but excited anticipation. He could tell that Ichigo was excited as well. His lithe body was moving incredibly fast - faster than before when Grimmjow had chased him. He was barely keeping up with him, but the promise of what was at the end of their journey made him push himself faster.
Grimmjow occupied his frenzied thought by planning out their next encounter. Would Ichigo let him pin him to the bed? Or would he take the initiative and demand that Grimmjow submit to him? Somehow, the idea of Ichigo demanding things of him was…acceptable. And if they were sexual demands…Ichigo needn’t even ask. Grimmjow's already quickened heartbeat thumped even harder into his ribs, his excitement growing with each passing moment. The giddy espada quickened his pace yet again and caught up with the shinigami.
"Are we almost there?"
"Yeah. Another half a mile and we'll be there."
"Good.”
~
Ichigo had sprinted over so many roof tops that he almost considered it the only way to get around the city anymore. He had taken this route many times, but this trip was different from all the other's he had made. His groin repeatedly reminded him just what was following him and Ichigo had successfully resisted the urge to glance back every two seconds to make sure the Espada was still following him.
Ichigo's attention was quickly drawn to the night sky. The quick flash of light silently highlighted the landscape before vanishing as quickly as it came. The flickering of lights changed the colors of the houses and exposed the quickly gathering clouds over their heads. The lightening finally groaned its way across the town, rolling like thick boulders through the night air. Ichigo felt the first few warning drops of rain fall lightly on his cheeks and lower lip. The water tasted cool and fresh and Ichigo was suddenly glad it was raining.
He wondered if Grimmjow remembered what rain felt like…
He felt the flux of the espada's reiatsu, moving from lust to anticipation and then to uncontained excitement. Ichigo couldn't help but smile at the man's enthusiasm to get to his house and into his bed. He felt his own excitement grow at the thought of what they were going to do. A few hundred feet from his house, Ichigo dropped to the street and waited for Grimmjow to join him.
~
Ichigo had suddenly stopped. Were they there? Was this his home?
But Ichigo was not walking toward any of the houses around him. He just stood there as Grimmjow approached, his chest rising and falling rapidly from the run.
Then he felt…
Something was cold against his cheek - a tapping liquid that fell from the black sky above. Grimmjow turned his face towards the sky in confusion as more of the liquid fell against his face, beading randomly on his ruffled blue locks. The compact droplets broke against the skin of his shoulder and rolled down his arm, leaving shiny paths in their wake. More droplets fell against him, covering his torso in a fine layer of water.
“It’s just rain.”
Grimmjow looked at Ichigo in confusion for a moment and then returned his gaze to the sky above.
“Rain?” Grimmjow had heard of it before…somewhere.
“Yes, rain. Now come on before it gets worse.” Ichigo said as he turned and began walking down the sidewalk. The rain began to fall faster and Grimmjow look down to see his pants grow dark with moisture, sliding further down his hips. He looked up to see the shinigami waiting on the side of building, pointing with a thin arm to one of the second story windows. That was all he could make out before a wall of rain obscured his vision. A chill broke out over his body as he moved through the downpour, in the direction he hoped Ichigo had been in.
As he ran, he realized how idiotic he might look; chasing a man through this…rain, chasing something he wasn’t going to maim or kill. The idea seemed almost ridiculous, but as he grew closer the light of the open window, seeing Kurosaki’s silhouette, maybe it wasn’t so ridiculous after all.
It wasn’t too far of a jump to make to the second story window; he’d jumped higher on many occasions. He climbed slowly through the shinigami’s window and sat on the ledge to take note of the boy’s room. The small area contained a simple bed, a desk, and few smaller items of furniture; all in all, sparse and very clean. Grimmjow felt the water begin to chill his body and he gave small shiver from his perch on the window.
He almost toppled as something soft was thrown at his face. He snarled and ripped the thing from his head.
“Calm down.”
Grimmjow looked up in surprise at Ichigo’s voice. The boy was only in his boxers and was slowly rubbing a piece of cloth across his damp orange hair. His still wet skin shone dimly in the light from the lamp that was found on top of the boy’s desk.
“It’s just a towel. You need to get dry.” Ichigo said with a smirk. Grimmjow pulled his eyes away from the boy and looked again at the cloth, then at his ruined clothes. He was quite cold and he could almost see his skin through the white material of his espada uniform. His feet made soft contact the floor and he moved further into the room with uncertainty.
“Here, let me help.” Ichigo said as he wrapped his own towel around his neck and walked forward. Ichigo took the towel from him and threw it on the top of his head.
He could feel Ichigo’s fingertips through the material, pressing gently into his head with soothing motions. Cool fingers touched his forehead and slipped underneath the towel to push it down to his neck and pulled the cloth from around his shoulder. Grimmjow watched as the shinigami held the white cloth between his hands and dabbed at this chest; feeling his muscles twitch as the boy’s thin fingers grazed across his nipples.
Ichigo’s hair had begun to dry and return to its usual spikes; brushing against his jaw as he moved closer to his body to reach around and dry his back. Grimmjow sighed and leaned forward to rest his bare cheek on the boy’s temple, allowing himself to smell Ichigo’s hair. He smelt sweet – like clean water over a wound.
As he continued to smell the boy, he didn’t realize how the slow the towel began to move over his back, or how one of Ichigo’s hands had come to rest on hip. He did notice the small kisses placed on his neck; tilting his head back allowing Ichigo continued to mouth his way down his throat and over his collar bone, softly tonguing the hollow of his throat.
He felt himself give a low groan as Ichigo breathed heavily across his chest and push his hands down the sides of his waist; his thumbs catching the edges of his pants and pulling them down from his hips. He gave another involuntary shiver as his wet skin was exposed to Ichigo’s hands and the cool air of the room.
Grimmjow looked back down to step out of his wet clothes and took a small step back that brought him back to the open window; the misting water collecting on his back. It was a strange feeling: the hotness of Ichigo’s tongue and coolness of the water from the rain. He felt the back of his thighs tighten as the boy's teeth closed over his nipple, pulling gently against the hard nub.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well?
(PG-13 for now)
What does it mean when you get that hot feeling in your chest or that blooming ache right behind your ribs? How does your body know who to react this way to and why does it heat up your whole body in the process?
The answers were simple.
It meant that your body was so attuned to his body that it practically moved without your consent. The moment you laid your treacherous eyes upon him - it was already too late. Your body had already been set into action.
It meant complete, total and unstoppable attraction…and you could do nothing to stop it.
~
The houses flew by underneath him - completely unnoticed and unimportant. The most important thing right now was reaching the house; the house that belonged to Ichigo Kurosaki. The man he had just fooled around with in a narrow alley almost 2 miles away. The scent of sap and brick dust still clung to his clothes and the taste of blood and Ichigo’s mouth lingered on his tongue. The air felt good against his hot, naked chest and he felt the trail of dry blood begin to crack and flake off of his bare back as he sprinted across the rooftops.
Kurosaki was ahead of him; his dark shape jumping smoothly through the air. Grimmjow's chest tightened in way that had nothing to do with panic or fear - but excited anticipation. He could tell that Ichigo was excited as well. His lithe body was moving incredibly fast - faster than before when Grimmjow had chased him. He was barely keeping up with him, but the promise of what was at the end of their journey made him push himself faster.
Grimmjow occupied his frenzied thought by planning out their next encounter. Would Ichigo let him pin him to the bed? Or would he take the initiative and demand that Grimmjow submit to him? Somehow, the idea of Ichigo demanding things of him was…acceptable. And if they were sexual demands…Ichigo needn’t even ask. Grimmjow's already quickened heartbeat thumped even harder into his ribs, his excitement growing with each passing moment. The giddy espada quickened his pace yet again and caught up with the shinigami.
"Are we almost there?"
"Yeah. Another half a mile and we'll be there."
"Good.”
~
Ichigo had sprinted over so many roof tops that he almost considered it the only way to get around the city anymore. He had taken this route many times, but this trip was different from all the other's he had made. His groin repeatedly reminded him just what was following him and Ichigo had successfully resisted the urge to glance back every two seconds to make sure the Espada was still following him.
Ichigo's attention was quickly drawn to the night sky. The quick flash of light silently highlighted the landscape before vanishing as quickly as it came. The flickering of lights changed the colors of the houses and exposed the quickly gathering clouds over their heads. The lightening finally groaned its way across the town, rolling like thick boulders through the night air. Ichigo felt the first few warning drops of rain fall lightly on his cheeks and lower lip. The water tasted cool and fresh and Ichigo was suddenly glad it was raining.
He wondered if Grimmjow remembered what rain felt like…
He felt the flux of the espada's reiatsu, moving from lust to anticipation and then to uncontained excitement. Ichigo couldn't help but smile at the man's enthusiasm to get to his house and into his bed. He felt his own excitement grow at the thought of what they were going to do. A few hundred feet from his house, Ichigo dropped to the street and waited for Grimmjow to join him.
~
Ichigo had suddenly stopped. Were they there? Was this his home?
But Ichigo was not walking toward any of the houses around him. He just stood there as Grimmjow approached, his chest rising and falling rapidly from the run.
Then he felt…
Something was cold against his cheek - a tapping liquid that fell from the black sky above. Grimmjow turned his face towards the sky in confusion as more of the liquid fell against his face, beading randomly on his ruffled blue locks. The compact droplets broke against the skin of his shoulder and rolled down his arm, leaving shiny paths in their wake. More droplets fell against him, covering his torso in a fine layer of water.
“It’s just rain.”
Grimmjow looked at Ichigo in confusion for a moment and then returned his gaze to the sky above.
“Rain?” Grimmjow had heard of it before…somewhere.
“Yes, rain. Now come on before it gets worse.” Ichigo said as he turned and began walking down the sidewalk. The rain began to fall faster and Grimmjow look down to see his pants grow dark with moisture, sliding further down his hips. He looked up to see the shinigami waiting on the side of building, pointing with a thin arm to one of the second story windows. That was all he could make out before a wall of rain obscured his vision. A chill broke out over his body as he moved through the downpour, in the direction he hoped Ichigo had been in.
As he ran, he realized how idiotic he might look; chasing a man through this…rain, chasing something he wasn’t going to maim or kill. The idea seemed almost ridiculous, but as he grew closer the light of the open window, seeing Kurosaki’s silhouette, maybe it wasn’t so ridiculous after all.
It wasn’t too far of a jump to make to the second story window; he’d jumped higher on many occasions. He climbed slowly through the shinigami’s window and sat on the ledge to take note of the boy’s room. The small area contained a simple bed, a desk, and few smaller items of furniture; all in all, sparse and very clean. Grimmjow felt the water begin to chill his body and he gave small shiver from his perch on the window.
He almost toppled as something soft was thrown at his face. He snarled and ripped the thing from his head.
“Calm down.”
Grimmjow looked up in surprise at Ichigo’s voice. The boy was only in his boxers and was slowly rubbing a piece of cloth across his damp orange hair. His still wet skin shone dimly in the light from the lamp that was found on top of the boy’s desk.
“It’s just a towel. You need to get dry.” Ichigo said with a smirk. Grimmjow pulled his eyes away from the boy and looked again at the cloth, then at his ruined clothes. He was quite cold and he could almost see his skin through the white material of his espada uniform. His feet made soft contact the floor and he moved further into the room with uncertainty.
“Here, let me help.” Ichigo said as he wrapped his own towel around his neck and walked forward. Ichigo took the towel from him and threw it on the top of his head.
He could feel Ichigo’s fingertips through the material, pressing gently into his head with soothing motions. Cool fingers touched his forehead and slipped underneath the towel to push it down to his neck and pulled the cloth from around his shoulder. Grimmjow watched as the shinigami held the white cloth between his hands and dabbed at this chest; feeling his muscles twitch as the boy’s thin fingers grazed across his nipples.
Ichigo’s hair had begun to dry and return to its usual spikes; brushing against his jaw as he moved closer to his body to reach around and dry his back. Grimmjow sighed and leaned forward to rest his bare cheek on the boy’s temple, allowing himself to smell Ichigo’s hair. He smelt sweet – like clean water over a wound.
As he continued to smell the boy, he didn’t realize how the slow the towel began to move over his back, or how one of Ichigo’s hands had come to rest on hip. He did notice the small kisses placed on his neck; tilting his head back allowing Ichigo continued to mouth his way down his throat and over his collar bone, softly tonguing the hollow of his throat.
He felt himself give a low groan as Ichigo breathed heavily across his chest and push his hands down the sides of his waist; his thumbs catching the edges of his pants and pulling them down from his hips. He gave another involuntary shiver as his wet skin was exposed to Ichigo’s hands and the cool air of the room.
Grimmjow looked back down to step out of his wet clothes and took a small step back that brought him back to the open window; the misting water collecting on his back. It was a strange feeling: the hotness of Ichigo’s tongue and coolness of the water from the rain. He felt the back of his thighs tighten as the boy's teeth closed over his nipple, pulling gently against the hard nub.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 12:40 pm (UTC)Guhhhh...what is the matter with you woman!? This is good! The only thing I will say is that Grimmjow is not the kind of character to be "giddy". Just my opinion. Also, in the second to last paragraph here it says "thumps catching the edges..." and i'm guessing you mean "thumbs".
As far as the actual writing goes? This is very nice. It has a nice build-up and the imagery is very real and easy to follow. Continue! Continue! And do it soon because good Grimmichi is hard to find. *pout*
no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 02:59 pm (UTC)I see what you mean about 'giddy' - when I wrote it I pictured Grimm going to get his first ice cream or something and that word came to mind. But I'll change it!
Thanks for spotting the error, I haven't sent this to my beta yet (it's still unworthy).
Thank you for taking the time to read through this even when it's incomplete, I appreciate it. ^^ I'll definitely finish it.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 07:42 pm (UTC)Okay, so Gimmy wouldn't be giddy. Maybe he's be... tingle -y....okay, tingling?
I think it's a good continuation of the tone from the "The Grab" They are gentle when you expect a little more roughness.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-01 02:55 am (UTC)I keep going back and re-reading the first part so I can keep the tone the same and make the parts flow better together; which is very important considering the length of time I've taken to write the second part.
Thanks!!